I am an ordinary spanko girl, a wanna be rock star.
A girl who plows through life at breakneck speeds armed only with her cape, a girl who
never cries when she falls down.
Once quoted: "Now that's enough to make any spanko swoon!"
Him: The Professor
He is a high socked, strict, very swoony and academically inclined,
adult male authority figure with a passion for administering hard but caring spankings to bright, creative, and impulsive naughty
girls that need to learn discipline.
After some brief thought, "Approval Masochist" is the best I have come up with. You seek approval from me
like another masochist seeks pain ("Pain Masochist", or another seeks humilation ("Humiliation Masochist").
The categories are not exclusive. That is some S&M types tend to be "Pain and Humilation". You are
"Approval and Pain".
- Your Professor
Thursday, May 11, 2006
It's Part of What We Do, Naughty One
Hiya Professor! Thanks for today. I know it probably wasn't your dream spanking session, but obviously I needed what we did. I guess this is part of what we do isn't it? Another cool example of melding fantasy and reality. Spanking sessions as therapy... :) I am not sure what I am going to do about my dad, but talking about it helped. Talking about stuff with you usually does help though.... Anyway, thanks for today. ~Your Naughty One Sometimes a spanking doesn't right my world. Sometimes a spanking isn't enough to make me let go. Sometimes a spanking session doesn't make me more open, trusting, more inclined to be intimate... or even wipe away whatever is eating me from the inside.
Sometimes a spanking session with Professor becomes less about spanking and more about talking, whether I want it to or not. There is a big difference between "want" and "need". I am glad he can see it when I can't.
Hello Naughty One, Yes, yesterday is part of what we do: spanking therapy. I was happy with yesterday's session. Be good. - Your Spanking Therapist
"Doing a search on Google is easy. Simply type one or more search terms (the words or phrase that best describe the information you want to find) into the search box and hit the 'Enter' key or click on the Google Search button." ~Google Help
I want to thank those readers who have used some wonderfully descriptive search terms to stumble upon this blog.
exquisite pain spanking my girl sore bottoms hairbrush howl bare punishment spanking spanking disciplinarian girls bending over for the cane spanking bath brush schoolgirl ruler spanked pantied bottoms afterglow spanking
And some of my favorites?
I couldn't help but expand on them a little. These little fantasy bits practically wrote themselves with a lot of help from some very descriptive and kinky Googlers:
The Fairchild Young Women's Academy makes extensive use of corporal punishment. Our girls are spanked hard on their bare bottoms regularly...
She stood waiting outside the Headmaster's office, nervously playing with the hem of her skirt. People filed past and looked knowingly that this girl was in trouble...
"Sometimes the anticipation of a punishment is much worse than the punishment itself", she whispered to the girl sitting next to her on the bench. "Oh, is that so?" He asked, standing in the doorway to his office, while he slowly rolled the sleeves of his white cotton shirt...
Tugging on her waistband, he yanked down her gym shorts and bared her bottom, smacking it soundly as she tried desperately to twist her arm out of his iron grip...
He brought the cane down over and over again, leaving thin white lines of burning fire on her naughty bottom. She leaned hard over the chair, gasping for air, ...
She stood sobbing in the corner, soundly spanked and remorseful, her skirt pinned up, her panties still pooled around her ankles...
"Get the strap and meet me in the woodshed." She gaped at him open mouthed before turning slowly to fetch the thick leather strap hanging on a peg behind the door....
She looked at the welts on her bottom left by the strap in a mirror, and watched him trace the outline of each fading mark with his fingertips. "Did you learn your lesson?" His voice purred in her ear and she nodded slowly,murmuringg "Yes, Sir" as the wide strip of leather slid over her punished cheeks...
I was thinking about the fact that I am very stoic during a spanking. Actually, I am very stoic during the entire spanking scene. I listen carefully, try to do exactly what is expected of me, and genuinely take to heart whatever lesson is being taught during both punishment and roleplay.
Professor says that I am "approval masochist". That I seek his approval like another masochist might seek humiliation. I think that is pretty accurate. I especially get off on earning his approval after falling from grace. Strange, that.
I think my need to be a good girl in our dynamic is why I can take roleplay so seriously even though it isn't real. My feelings and need to please Professor are very real and transcend every situation, fantasy or not.
There are two very distinct sides to me. On one hand, I am reckless, independent, impulsive, rebellious... a "color outside the lines" sort... willingly challenging authority. And yet within the kink? I don't get any pleasure from resisting. I won't kick, scream... fight to keep my power. I willingly submit and it is freeing for me. I like the power exchange part of it and am perfectly happy not being in control for a while.
That being said, have I ever craved the chance to defy? To be openly defiant just to see what would happen? Yes. Have I ever wondered what it would be like to fight to keep my power only to have it forcefully taken... just because Professor can? Sure. Its been there, another part of me bubbling beneath the surface... a "what would happen if I" at odds with my deeper need to please.
A new roleplay maybe? I dunno. I also wonder, because I am such an approval masochist if in this case, my occasional defiance fantasy should stay just that... a fantasy.
Roleplay: A Playground for the Creative Spanko Mind
I was thinking about roleplay and why I enjoy it so much, as well as why for me, it is more than just play acting. I was also thinking about what it takes to create a good roleplay. I imagine this will end up being a series of posts rather than just one because I have done quite a bit of thinking on the subject and I am sure that will translate into quite a bit of verbiage ;)
So why roleplay? What's in it for me? For us?
Roleplay is about freedom.
I know for some, playing a role, someone other than themselves, may seem silly or "too fake". The idea of dressing up in a short plaid skirt and being spanked like a schoolgirl may seem foolish. But I love roleplays, especially those that by the nature of their dynamic, hit my major emotional and psychological triggers.
Roleplay gives me freedom...it allows me to express myself. In my daily life I am confined to various roles... personality characteristics that represent just *part* of who I am. I am confined to a particular role with my family, peers, and in my community. Getting out of my usual role frees me from the inhibitions and baggage that goes with it.
Am I saying that the inhibitions or baggage associated with my "regular life" are bad? No... what I am saying is that I, like most, have a multidimensional personality and roleplay affords me the opportunity to express those other parts of myself... my inner parts that I have a harder time expressing. It releases me from the restrictions *I* put on myself in my daily life.
Why is it that children dream of being fairy princesses... brave knights fighting fearsome dragons... racecar drivers in the Indy 500? Because it is fun...fantasy is fun and because they get to be something they aren't in real life. They get to exhibit behaviors and "try on" characteristics associated with those roles.
And adult role play? Well similarly, it gives me the chance to be someone else - without all the difficulties of actually changing my life. I get to play a character with traits I want to explore, I can pick and choose the characteristics and attributes that suit my desires, and discard the rest. And I can do it for a finite period of time.
Roleplay can make me feel strong, powerful... and right.
There isn't a lot of room for insecurity in roleplay. Fantasies may seem too weird, too kinky, too wrong, too abnormal and it takes courage to own them, speak them out loud and ultimately, indulge in them. The wonderful thing about roleplay is that it is fantasy, not reality and being able to share it with someone who "gets it"... well, that's pretty damn cool.
Roleplaying is a way for me to say it out loud.
Finding Professor was a big self esteem builder because I found someone who not only listened to my "weird, kinky needs" but also shared them. He made me feel normal... confident that my kink was okay... that I was okay.
Roleplaying allows me to express my inner self. It allows me to bring my kinky fantasies out into the light, examine them... indulge in them... in a safe and non threatening environment.
Roleplaying can be therapeutic.
Now, I wouldn't advise everyone to use the kink as a cheap form of therapy, but it can be better than a self help book. My need for caring authority? Punishment and cleaning the slate? I have always said that I am in the process of growing into myself. Roleplay has afforded me the opportunity to examine things about myself and has offered parts of me the chance to heal.
Roleplay is sex for the brain.
Choosing a character. Setting the scene. Deciding on appropriate props. A good roleplay takes work and creativity. It requires imagination. Practice. And communication.
I love to think... to brainstorm... to analyze. I like figuring out what makes people tick... what gets my groove on. I revel in the subtle details of a good scene, the work it takes beforehand, the eventual blending of real life and fantasy. It's about intensity. Communication. Trust. Testing limits. Mental attraction.
One of the many reasons Professor rocks my world? His ability to roleplay. He is very good at it. He puts a lot of time and effort into making a scene that leaves me breathless. And he does it well. That in itself makes me swoon.
Engaging the brain enhances the physical sensation of spanking.
Roleplay gives me an afterglow for days.
Spanking roleplay is like walking into your own secret garden... a place where time stops. It is the very best of the kink; the fantasy... the thrill... the excitement. It builds intimacy, makes memories and gives two people something very personal to share.
Why do I love roleplay?
Because it is amazing and swoony, and challenging and exciting. Because it is healing. Because it is creative. Because it is something different. Because it can be so good, seem so real, be so intense that for the time being, you manage to lose yourself in it. Because it is fun, that's why.
I hope the holiday season brings you good things and all the gifts of the season... truly!
I was just going through all these old boxes up in the attic and came across a lot of old school memorabilia, yearbooks, and all the other junk I kept from our time at Fairchild. I actually found an old school uniform! It took a while for me to sort everything out and figure out what to keep and what to throw away - it has been so long since I've seen anyone from the Academy. Do you still keep in touch with anyone?
The reason that I am writing is because I came across one of your albums by mistake (goodness, to think I've had it in my attic all that time...) and so I decided it would be prudent of me to return your album to you, even after all these years. I don't know if you are the sentimental sort to still keep things from school or not. :)
You know, going through all the junk, it made me remember with such fondness our times together - you were my best friend in our time there and my sanity! I can still recall all our demerits and our times in detention - I'm lucky they never threw me out! I've missed you throughout the years and I miss my time at Fairchild. Do you?
Speaking of old school memories, do you know what ever happened to Professor Stephen, the Headmaster of the place? Funny, after all these years, I look back upon my time at Fairchild and remember him fondly, strict bastard that he was! The last anyone had heard, he found a post at a woman's college or something out of state. I wonder where he is or if any of the alumni committee would know how to find him again.
Anyhow, lovely to write you and think of you again! Please keep in touch and share some of your memories if you wish...
Still being good after all these years,
Your fellow Fairchild alum
My Dear Friend, It is wonderful to hear from you! Imagine my surprise when I opened the simple brown paper wrapped package that was delivered to my doorstep this morning. I have been flipping through the old school album you returned and enjoying every moment spent skipping down memory lane. I, too miss our alma mater, from that giant oak tree in the center of the quad that shaded us while we spent hours avoiding our school work, to the second floor balcony window of the library - the after dinner perch for two gossiping girls. Oh, we did have fun, didn't we? I am simply amazed that we managed to fit enough time into our busy schedules for something as mundane as school work. We were a handful! I heard from Ellie Parker that our esteemed Headmaster is still maintaining order and turning out disciplined young ladies at a private school somewhere in Connecticut. Poor Professor Stephen, I think of him from time to time and have considered sending him some sort of correspondence, but I am not quite sure whether I should thank him for just being who he was, or apologize for all my years of naughtiness! What a pair we were! I still remember the day you and I met as clearly as if it were yesterday. We met in the hall as I was leaving the Headmaster's office and you were sitting on that horrid old bench just outside his door. Do you remember that bench? We certainly spent enough time waiting there...
**Click on the Fairchild paddle to go to The Fairchild Young Women's Academy
**Click on the links below to download audio roleplay
I have the most delicious roleplay. It makes me sort of trembly to think about it. We played yesterday... we played a scene that touched both of our cores, and to make it even better, he mixed real life and fantasy... used real life transgressions to enhance a wonderfully swoony schoolgirl scene.
If there is one thing that thrills me above all else... one thing that sends shivery tingles skipping down my spine... it is a well done roleplay. I love immersing myself in a good fantasy ... that feeling of slipping away... that free fall feeling down the rabbit hole when a scene is so rich with detail, so slowly and lovingly developed... so carefully crafted by one who knows just how to manipulate your senses, your psyche... your headspace... that you lose yourself in it, because he knows you so well.
The mental tweaking... the subtle crafting of a psychological and physical experience that envelopes you in such a way that you become part of it, suddenly swept along, as it changes you... leaving its mark...
This particular role play owes itself to a certain friend of mine... a journey pal... a fellow kinkster who, this past Christmas, gave me a gift that managed to touch the very essence of my spanko core, leaving me breathless and gasping for air.
Part of the gift was an album... a student's school album, complete with a history of the school (using information from Professor's Fairchild site), memories gleaned from my writings as well as other school oriented tokens. There were various implements included in the package... crops, canes, straps, etc. And then there was the letter... a wonderful letter from one former Fairchild alum to another.
And so, Professor and I used this holiday gift as our spanking muse... a kinkofied spring board... and did a roleplay, a swoony Fairchild roleplay just for this dear friend... and we made an audio recording.
I originally wanted to do a brief intro... something like what I just wrote before launching into a written preface to "set the scene" so to speak for our audio blog.
But, I think I will leave this post as is...the "reality" part.
A person's initial meeting with a white rabbit should stand on its own, don't you think?
I haven't posted in a while. I know I have a lot of catching up to do, spankings to recount, a bit of "speaking up" to do... basically I have some things to wrap up.
My absence can partially be blamed on a recent household addition of the four legged kind with an apparent penchant for electrical cords. We got another dog to keep AFP company, and he snores. Loudly. He doesn't bark. Ever. But he snores like a buzz saw and chews incessantly. Legos, shoes, the eyes off stuffed animals...flip flops... plastic dinosaurs and electrical cords... he chews it all.
He ate my laptop cord, happily... while it was still plugged into the wall. Hence my absence while said cord was being replaced. I think his alias on here will be Ohm. Somehow, it suits him.
I get spanked tomorrow. Its partly a carrot spanking and partly a stick spanking. We are doing a swoony roleplay (the carrot part) that I am longing to write about, but I will have to save that for another time. Maybe tomorrow evening. Oh yeah, but before we get to do the role play tomorrow afternoon, we have "a talk" to take care of (the stick part). The stick part has to do with procrastination and for not doing something I was told to do. More on that later as well...
The rest of this is long winded... analysis ridden... bordering on new age-ish... but I needed to get it on paper.
Consider yourself warned.
Growing into myself...
I say that a lot, don't I? It is sort of a Naughtyopath catch phrase.
So what does it mean, exactly?
I have been told I am a young soul... my soul, fresh - still wet behind the ears, wonderfully naive and child-like in its openness.
You are a young soul, Naughty One... striving on noise, chaos, excess... an unstructured thing... Yup, I'll buy that.
A young soul.
I certainly feel like a young soul much of the time, stumbling headlong through life with an insatiable need to know... constantly searching in an overly earnest attempt to make better sense of me... who I am... who I want to be, and how that person fits in this curious thing called life.
I think that is what I mean by "growing into myself". It is symbolic of a journey, my larger journey... and it is a battle cry... my "conscious growth" mantra.
Have you ever noticed that most of our ah ha! moments happen to us rather than us making them happen? We make forward progress in life because life has a way of pushing us forward, willing or not. Rarely is it the result of our own conscious choice... or even initiative for that matter.
Instead, throughout life, growth happens in fits and starts, unpredictably, sometimes through happy experiences and often through unhappy or painful experiences... as well as catharsis. At least that is how it seems to me.
My battle cry... my self defining catch phrase was the best "there has gotta be a better way" answer I could come up with (during one of my moments of quiet clarity when I wasn't busying myself by getting lost in the trees) to what I noticed to be a rather inefficient, unpredictable, life-meandering process... which I think some refer to as "unconscious growth."
Growing into myself is about conscious growth. It is about careful, calculated, "I know what I want to be when I grow up... the kind of person I want to be; now I just need to know how to get there" type growth.
So what does this rambly thought process (and it is about to get more rambly I am afraid) have to do with Spanko Girl?
The more conscious you are in your growth process, the more quickly you grow. I would suppose you could say I am taking stock in things... reflecting. I am pausing to think about my personal growth... reviewing what I have learned.
A couple of years ago, a while after I had my revelatory a-ha!there has got to be a better way moment... a plan was put into motion... a plan that stemmed from my early and rather vague notions of who or what I wanted to be. At the time I didn't see the plan... the overall picture... I only had sight of what I wanted to grow into and the miles of forest between me and that very distant goal. I only had sight of my starting point.
Since that time I have found direction... and have managed to break down my far off and seemingly unattainable vision into a series of specific goals and worked consciously and conscientiously to achieve them. There have been bumps and stalls along the way, and some lessons I have had to learn twice, even three times but amazingly enough, I can now see that the series of goals... not only did they make a hard thing seem easier (the ultimate top down design, Professor... you do practice what you teach, don't you?) but they in their own right have amplified, enhanced my original vision. For example, by consciously following a set of higher rules, I have, by default, become a more ethical person, thus adding depth and dimension to the character of the person I hope to become.
I have also found that the distance between me and my vision is not as vast as I thought. Am I close to achieving my ultimate goal? Am I close to becoming what I want to be when I grow up? Hardly. That's the most ironic part of it all actually. I am and always will be a work in progress.
A work in progress.
That's okay by me, you know. It's one of the things I have learned along the way. Growth happens during the process. Not haphazard, fitful growth that requires alot of emotional effort, though. This is conscious growth... growth that occurs as I make a determined effort to achieve each of my smaller goals to the best of my abilities. As I do my best... as I strive to fulfill the plan set out for me... it is the work I do, the effort I put in, that brings me one step closer to growing into myself.
I know, I know... I have been a very naughty girl. I have neither posted nor responded to recent comments in several days. I promise to reccount last week's session with Professor and get caught up with all other things of a blog type nature asap...
Until then, these used-to-be-vanilla-stock-photos-but-have-been-kinkified-by-a-naughty-pics are to build anticipation for two very special people in my life... you know who you are ;)
I am not the kind of masochist who likes to be used. I don't like to be slapped cruelly, degraded, treated like an animal... called a whore. My form of masochism is a different breed of masochism... it has a softer side...it is tied to approval... acceptance... unconditional love, but I can't seem to give it an appropriate name.
Do you want me to feel pain? Do you want me to suffer? Tell me you care about me... call me your little girl... then tell me you are disappointed in me... that you "didn't raise me that way"... and then watch my heart bleed.
It's about killing me softly.
In my relationship with Professor I am many things; friend, mentee, fellow kinkster, student, confidant... spankee. And I am also something else... Naughty One. His Naughty One.
It is this part of me... this seemingly small but very important part that is, for lack of a more descriptive word, my keystone. It is this part that supports the weight of the whole... the part that absorbs the pressure of the rest...the key that keeps me in place. It is my "inner me".
It is a part that is cloistered away deep inside... small and hidden from everyone but Professor... and at times, can be so needful that it influences my behavior, alters my perceptions, effects my daily life.
I have always felt like some sort of fractured being... that there were several distinct "me's". At times I could be strong, fearless, confident... adult like... in charge and ready to take on the world. At other times I was weak, vulnerable... child like and I never seemed to be able to reconcile the parts.
The vulnerable part? My "inner me". The part that craves acceptance. Discipline. Unconditional love. The part that fuels my need for a father figure. And it is this part that is directly tied to my form of masochism. I want to be a good girl. I want to be good in order to win Professor's esteem.
There is so much more that I want to say... need to explore... but I am tired and sore. I am well punished, forgiven and reflective. Today was as much emotional and psychological as it was physical.
I want to talk more about my spanking journey... the way it has been woven from fabric based partly in fantasy and partly in real emotional need. I want to talk more about the Disciplinarian who has taken a mutual desire for spanking and used it as a tool to provide a stable and loving environment within which his Naughty One could finally grow up. But I am spent and my thoughts are disorganized. They need to be thinned out a bit before they are ready for reader consumption, and I am much too tired to do it now.
I Accept Full Responsibility (Except That It's Not My Fault, And You Shouldn't Discipline Me)
Did you know that April 13th is Blame Someone Else Day?
I get spanked tomorrow. Professor and I have exactly two things on the list to "talk" about and one of them concerns a Naughty One and a scene in a fast food restaurant... and both of them involve the theme of doing what's right... and anger management.
Do you ever have those moments... those moments where your inner child wins and you just really don't want to accept responsibility for something? So you do all sorts of rationalizing to explain recent actions?
Well... It wasn't really my fault. I may have over reacted a bit that day in MacDonald's as I stood coldly... angrily... and used my quick wit and gift of gab to completely eviscerate the unlucky soul who had the misfortune of making a nasty comment to my kid.
It's not my fault.
It's not my fault I got angry. It's not my fault I lost my temper. It's not my fault she was an idiot and made the choice to step over my line in the sand. It's not my fault that she chose to provoke me rather than just apologize and move on.
I over reacted...butshe didn't give me a choice. I admit my response was not measured or appropriate... butshe started it. I am accepting responsibility for my actions, but it wasn't my fault and you shouldn't discipline me...
And at this moment I am being a complete ass because deep down I know better than to make excuses... because you taught me better than that, didn't you? Yeah.
So tomorrow, despite my childish need to avoid... trivialize... place blame on someone other than myself, in the end I will do the responsible thing... the hard thing... the right thing...the adult thing.
And all the while I will be upended over your knee, getting spanked... like a naughty little girl.