How She Came To Be

I would be lying if I said that I didnt feel some pressure as I sit here trying to bang out the very first post to my blog. I guess I feel like because it is the first post, it somehow needs to be a "great summation", like the introductory paragraph for an essay written in some english class. The place where you explain the "point" to the reader clearly and concisely.

I am not that organized though. I have a vague notion of where I want to go with this first post, but no true plan on how to get there. I dont have an outline, or a clear plan in mind, so I am going to do what comes naturally to me and just ramble on. And it is going to be like one of those long, angst filled stories that you read in a college literary magazine, where even when you are halfway through it, you are hard pressed to understand the point of it, but you keep reading anyway. So I guess you could say that this is really not a blog per se, but instead it is one of those rambly stories. Except my story has spanking. Lots and lots of spankings in fact, because I also happen to be a spankee who has a Disciplinarian.

But this story isnt *just* about spanking, and in order for me to explain, I need to start at the beginning, and since all stories have characters, I think I will start there. Because it is with the protagonist, that this story really begins. And for all of you people who dont know what a protagonist is and were afraid to ask, a protagonist is the main character or the "good guy". She is the hero of the story, the one you cheer for; and in a spanking story, she is the one who inevitably gets spanked.

This first chapter is about a girl, an ordinary spanko girl, and how she came to be.

In the beginning there was a little girl. An ordinary, tomboyish type little girl with freckles who plowed through life at breakneck speed, armed only with her trademark Supergirl cape. She was a bright girl, impulsive and daring, who always refused to color inside the lines. She was one of the first to be picked for kickball, could run faster than anyone, and never cried when she fell down or got hurt. She rebelled against authority, was willing to try or do anything, and lived life with an intensity that left the people around her breathless.

And while this little girl was busy with the task of living her ordinary tomboyish-girl life, she was also thinking about spanking. For as long as the little girl could remember, she had a deep desire to be spanked and so she set out in an attempt to fulfill this need as best she could with the little girl recources she had available to her. She would look up spanking words in the dictionary, try to find TV shows that had spanking scenes, or create elaborate fanstasies in her mind about very tall, stern looking men who knew that what rebellious little girls really needed was someone to spank them.

And so while she tackled this thing called life, and dreamt about spanking, the ordinary tomboyish little girl continued to be daring and rebellious and got even a little more reckless, and still managed to grow up anyway.

When the little girl was not so little anymore, she continued her exploration of spanking, and abandoned her dictionaries and television search when she discovered the internet. The girl continued to be rebellious and daring and still moved through life at a break neck speed, but she also began a serious exploration of this thing called spanking. And she searched and discovered and learned and absorbed. As she learned about spanking, she was able to give names to what she desired: structure, and discipline and punishment.

And as the girl searched and read stories and accounts of other girls who were lucky enough to get spanked for real, she realized some things:

She would never be satisfied by just reading about spankings. And it wasnt just the act of spanking she wanted, she needed more. She needed that tall, stern looking man who knew that what rebellious girls really need to feel loved and secure was for someone to stand up and say "Enough is enough" and then spank them. What she really needed was a Disciplinarian.

And so with that in mind, the ordinary tomboyish-girl continued to read and learn and absorb and also kept busy with living life, until one day she happened across a personals ad that took her breath away. And after the girl read the ad over and over, she posted a reply, and in her long and rambly way, she said this:

Wanted: A strict but caring Spanker who will take an active mentoring role in an impulsive and rebellious girl's life to provide the structure and discipline she needs.

And just like that, the ordinary tomboyish type girl found herself free to safely explore her spanking needs and desires under the watchful eye of her tour guide and Disciplinarian.

Now if this was a story just about spanking, than this would be the end. But it isnt. This isnt just a story about spanking or even just about the spanking relationship between two people. This is a story about need and acceptance and discovery and trust.

Because eEven though the girl does find herself a Disciplinarian, her journey is far from easy. She is insecure and still rebellious. And although she really does want to be a good girl, she continues to test her boundries and limits, knowing she will be spanked for it. And even with consistent discipline, the girl continues to act out when she is feeling afraid or hurt or unsure and she doesnt understand why.

But over time, as the Disciplinarian watches the ordinary tomboyish-girl who is daring and rebellious and impulsive, he sees her for what she really is......and he recognizes what the girl desperately needs, even before she does.

So he makes himself available to the girl and slowly, over time, he becomes a strong and consistent presence in her life. He shows the girl how much he caresfor her by spanking her when she is naughty, and by teaching her about self discipline and good behavior......and encouraging her to do whats right.

He also makes himself available to shares in her joys and failures, supports her ideas, and listens to her hopes and fears. He is very patient and he although *he* knows what she desperately needs, he waits patiently for her to come to terms with it on her own.

The girl grows under his guidance and begins to learn how to trust. She becomes more confident in herself and less impulsive. And as her layers of mistrust and anger are lifted away, she becomes acutely aware of a need....a tiny desperate need that she has been able to ignore for a very long time.

Once uncovered, this desperate, little girlish type need becomes harder and harder to ignore until eventually she realizes that she must give it a voice and a name...... and she doesnt want to....... because she is afraid and embarassed.

Afraid to tell the one man in her life who she really should tell. Because if she admits that she is not really daring, or brave, or invincible and that what she really needs is to be loved unconditionally, and to be able to rely on him.....need him...... he might leave. And yet, no matter how hard she tries to deny it, push it away, or disown it, it is still there, that little girl need.

Then finally one day, despite her very big fears, the girl relents...... she lets the little girl who yearns for a Daddy to be heard outloud. And her Disciplinarian, who already was aware of the little girl's yearning, watches as she comes to terms with it on her own. And the girl looks at the man who spanks her, her Disciplinarian, her adult male role model, her mentor, and realizes he has been her Daddy all along, and now she needs to allow herself to be his little girl.

And that is how the girl comes to be.

The girl is an ordinary tomboyish girl, and a wanna be rock star, and a student, and a naughty one, and a spanko, and a good girl and sometimes even a Supergirl. She is all those things ................and a Daddy's little girl.