A Work in Progress
I haven't posted in a while. I know I have a lot of catching up to do, spankings to recount, a bit of "speaking up" to do... basically I have some things to wrap up.
My absence can partially be blamed on a recent household addition of the four legged kind with an apparent penchant for electrical cords. We got another dog to keep AFP company, and he snores. Loudly. He doesn't bark. Ever. But he snores like a buzz saw and chews incessantly. Legos, shoes, the eyes off stuffed animals...flip flops... plastic dinosaurs and electrical cords... he chews it all.
He ate my laptop cord, happily... while it was still plugged into the wall. Hence my absence while said cord was being replaced. I think his alias on here will be Ohm. Somehow, it suits him.
I get spanked tomorrow. Its partly a carrot spanking and partly a stick spanking. We are doing a swoony roleplay (the carrot part) that I am longing to write about, but I will have to save that for another time. Maybe tomorrow evening. Oh yeah, but before we get to do the role play tomorrow afternoon, we have "a talk" to take care of (the stick part). The stick part has to do with procrastination and for not doing something I was told to do. More on that later as well...
The rest of this is long winded... analysis ridden... bordering on new age-ish... but I needed to get it on paper.
Consider yourself warned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Growing into myself...
I say that a lot, don't I? It is sort of a Naughtyopath catch phrase.
So what does it mean, exactly?
I have been told I am a young soul... my soul, fresh - still wet behind the ears, wonderfully naive and child-like in its openness.
You are a young soul, Naughty One... striving on noise, chaos, excess... an unstructured thing...
Yup, I'll buy that.
A young soul.
I certainly feel like a young soul much of the time, stumbling headlong through life with an insatiable need to know... constantly searching in an overly earnest attempt to make better sense of me... who I am... who I want to be, and how that person fits in this curious thing called life.
I think that is what I mean by "growing into myself". It is symbolic of a journey, my larger journey... and it is a battle cry... my "conscious growth" mantra.
Have you ever noticed that most of our ah ha! moments happen to us rather than us making them happen? We make forward progress in life because life has a way of pushing us forward, willing or not. Rarely is it the result of our own conscious choice... or even initiative for that matter.
Instead, throughout life, growth happens in fits and starts, unpredictably, sometimes through happy experiences and often through unhappy or painful experiences... as well as catharsis. At least that is how it seems to me.
My battle cry... my self defining catch phrase was the best "there has gotta be a better way" answer I could come up with (during one of my moments of quiet clarity when I wasn't busying myself by getting lost in the trees) to what I noticed to be a rather inefficient, unpredictable, life-meandering process... which I think some refer to as "unconscious growth."
Growing into myself is about conscious growth. It is about careful, calculated, "I know what I want to be when I grow up... the kind of person I want to be; now I just need to know how to get there" type growth.
So what does this rambly thought process (and it is about to get more rambly I am afraid) have to do with Spanko Girl?
The more conscious you are in your growth process, the more quickly you grow.
I would suppose you could say I am taking stock in things... reflecting. I am pausing to think about my personal growth... reviewing what I have learned.
A couple of years ago, a while after I had my revelatory a-ha! there has got to be a better way moment... a plan was put into motion... a plan that stemmed from my early and rather vague notions of who or what I wanted to be. At the time I didn't see the plan... the overall picture... I only had sight of what I wanted to grow into and the miles of forest between me and that very distant goal. I only had sight of my starting point.
Since that time I have found direction... and have managed to break down my far off and seemingly unattainable vision into a series of specific goals and worked consciously and conscientiously to achieve them. There have been bumps and stalls along the way, and some lessons I have had to learn twice, even three times but amazingly enough, I can now see that the series of goals... not only did they make a hard thing seem easier (the ultimate top down design, Professor... you do practice what you teach, don't you?) but they in their own right have amplified, enhanced my original vision. For example, by consciously following a set of higher rules, I have, by default, become a more ethical person, thus adding depth and dimension to the character of the person I hope to become.
I have also found that the distance between me and my vision is not as vast as I thought. Am I close to achieving my ultimate goal? Am I close to becoming what I want to be when I grow up? Hardly. That's the most ironic part of it all actually. I am and always will be a work in progress.
A work in progress.
That's okay by me, you know. It's one of the things I have learned along the way. Growth happens during the process. Not haphazard, fitful growth that requires alot of emotional effort, though. This is conscious growth... growth that occurs as I make a determined effort to achieve each of my smaller goals to the best of my abilities. As I do my best... as I strive to fulfill the plan set out for me... it is the work I do, the effort I put in, that brings me one step closer to growing into myself.
My absence can partially be blamed on a recent household addition of the four legged kind with an apparent penchant for electrical cords. We got another dog to keep AFP company, and he snores. Loudly. He doesn't bark. Ever. But he snores like a buzz saw and chews incessantly. Legos, shoes, the eyes off stuffed animals...flip flops... plastic dinosaurs and electrical cords... he chews it all.
He ate my laptop cord, happily... while it was still plugged into the wall. Hence my absence while said cord was being replaced. I think his alias on here will be Ohm. Somehow, it suits him.
I get spanked tomorrow. Its partly a carrot spanking and partly a stick spanking. We are doing a swoony roleplay (the carrot part) that I am longing to write about, but I will have to save that for another time. Maybe tomorrow evening. Oh yeah, but before we get to do the role play tomorrow afternoon, we have "a talk" to take care of (the stick part). The stick part has to do with procrastination and for not doing something I was told to do. More on that later as well...
The rest of this is long winded... analysis ridden... bordering on new age-ish... but I needed to get it on paper.
Consider yourself warned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Growing into myself...
I say that a lot, don't I? It is sort of a Naughtyopath catch phrase.
So what does it mean, exactly?
I have been told I am a young soul... my soul, fresh - still wet behind the ears, wonderfully naive and child-like in its openness.
You are a young soul, Naughty One... striving on noise, chaos, excess... an unstructured thing...
Yup, I'll buy that.
A young soul.
I certainly feel like a young soul much of the time, stumbling headlong through life with an insatiable need to know... constantly searching in an overly earnest attempt to make better sense of me... who I am... who I want to be, and how that person fits in this curious thing called life.
I think that is what I mean by "growing into myself". It is symbolic of a journey, my larger journey... and it is a battle cry... my "conscious growth" mantra.
Have you ever noticed that most of our ah ha! moments happen to us rather than us making them happen? We make forward progress in life because life has a way of pushing us forward, willing or not. Rarely is it the result of our own conscious choice... or even initiative for that matter.
Instead, throughout life, growth happens in fits and starts, unpredictably, sometimes through happy experiences and often through unhappy or painful experiences... as well as catharsis. At least that is how it seems to me.
My battle cry... my self defining catch phrase was the best "there has gotta be a better way" answer I could come up with (during one of my moments of quiet clarity when I wasn't busying myself by getting lost in the trees) to what I noticed to be a rather inefficient, unpredictable, life-meandering process... which I think some refer to as "unconscious growth."
Growing into myself is about conscious growth. It is about careful, calculated, "I know what I want to be when I grow up... the kind of person I want to be; now I just need to know how to get there" type growth.
So what does this rambly thought process (and it is about to get more rambly I am afraid) have to do with Spanko Girl?
The more conscious you are in your growth process, the more quickly you grow.
I would suppose you could say I am taking stock in things... reflecting. I am pausing to think about my personal growth... reviewing what I have learned.
A couple of years ago, a while after I had my revelatory a-ha! there has got to be a better way moment... a plan was put into motion... a plan that stemmed from my early and rather vague notions of who or what I wanted to be. At the time I didn't see the plan... the overall picture... I only had sight of what I wanted to grow into and the miles of forest between me and that very distant goal. I only had sight of my starting point.
Since that time I have found direction... and have managed to break down my far off and seemingly unattainable vision into a series of specific goals and worked consciously and conscientiously to achieve them. There have been bumps and stalls along the way, and some lessons I have had to learn twice, even three times but amazingly enough, I can now see that the series of goals... not only did they make a hard thing seem easier (the ultimate top down design, Professor... you do practice what you teach, don't you?) but they in their own right have amplified, enhanced my original vision. For example, by consciously following a set of higher rules, I have, by default, become a more ethical person, thus adding depth and dimension to the character of the person I hope to become.
I have also found that the distance between me and my vision is not as vast as I thought. Am I close to achieving my ultimate goal? Am I close to becoming what I want to be when I grow up? Hardly. That's the most ironic part of it all actually. I am and always will be a work in progress.
A work in progress.
That's okay by me, you know. It's one of the things I have learned along the way. Growth happens during the process. Not haphazard, fitful growth that requires alot of emotional effort, though. This is conscious growth... growth that occurs as I make a determined effort to achieve each of my smaller goals to the best of my abilities. As I do my best... as I strive to fulfill the plan set out for me... it is the work I do, the effort I put in, that brings me one step closer to growing into myself.