My Thoughts on Punishment
I was reading a random blog and the subject of punishment came up in the comment section and of course it got me thinking about punishment spankings in general, so here are my thoughts on punishment and my attempt to describe what a punishment spanking is actually like for me:
Punishment spankings? What are they like? What role do they play in my spanking relationship?
Well, they are painful. Yeah, I would say they are painful. But that is sort of a given. What role? Funny you should ask that question.......
My first real punishment spanking was for an incident in my past. I know it sounds weird that I would be punished for something that happened before I even met Professor. But the experience was really about not only cleaning the slate of an incident from my past that had continued to haunt me, but also about the reassurance that I no longer was able "to get away with things"-reassurance that at the time, I desperately needed.
The incident in question?
Shooting a gun - a 22 to be exact - off a roof at a party while drunk when I was in college. Apparently I was a pretty good shot and managed to blow out an innocent windshield without killing myself or anyone else. In the original incident, my father showed up and he and his lawyer rescued me from the police (and the irate car owner) by promising to pay for all damages and that was that. My dad never said a word to me about the whole thing and I was free to go about my life.
I guess you could say that in some small way, Professor and I were attempting to rewrite history with my first punishment spanking. A sort of spanko therapy? Maybe. A bit of an ignored rebellious girl cliche that needed closure? Definitely.
Anyway, back to the experience.
Painful. The experience was frightening, painful (both physically and emotionally) and amazing. And I am so glad I experienced it. I know that sounds strange, but it is true.
You see, punishment is a gift. It may be an unwanted gift in the moment, but it is a gift. To be absolved of guilt is a truly wonderful thing. To be held accountable, punished, cared for, forgiven......is just priceless.
I heard the most amazing line in a song once, and I think it is the best explanation for what that punishment did for me......
It allowed me to hit a brick wall without being totalled. It is as simple as that. I was able to hit a wall.
I am not sure if that makes sense.....
Throughout my life I was allowed to do what I want, when I wanted.....and as a result, I tended to spin out of control, and often still do, although I am working on it ;). The combination of the pervasive "girl, ignored" theme and the behavioral spin outs not only made me very insecure, but it also created this..... type.....this person who would take a dare, any dare....the type of person who would do something stupid to be accepted.....actually, do *anything* to be accepted or noticed.
This is the cliche part I was talking about. The story of the ignored girl who will do anything to be noticed? You know, the one that ends inevitably with the "even bad attention is better than no attention" theme? Overdone, I know.....but yeah, that was me. Embarassing but true.
So being punished...being told/showed/reassured that there is someone, who is spanker, mentor, friend, confidant, father figure when needed...... who cares enough to say Stop! Enough is enough!......it was rather freeing and amazing, and it changed me.......
The brick wall?
I needed to hit a brick wall, *without* being totalled........I needed to hit that wall in the form of Professor and feel the "solidness" of it, feel the security of it....feel the security of *him*
So that is what that first punishment did for me.....it reassured me of that wall and its willingness to stand without breaking.
Being punished allowed for trust.
I have always trusted Professor, but not to the degree that we achieved as a result of that experience. He did the hard thing. He followed through, even though he didn't enjoy it....he kept his word......and he did it because he cared.
And for me....well, that was huge. HUGE.
It was a monumental turning point for me and for our relationship.
It was made undeniably clear to me, and I couldnt ignore it. His genuine caring. He really cared about me.
I knew he didn't want to punish me, he would much rather have a playful session, and yet he did it anyway. He did the hard thing. Not only because I needed it and he was giving me what I needed, but because he knew that I *deserved* it.
The experience left me with little doubt that he cares for his Naughty One and has a vested interest in the person that I/we want her to be. And that is just.....well, even now it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. In a good way :) Unconditional love? Yeah. I think that is what I felt for the first time.
And, as a result of his commitment, I had another big realization.....and I grew.
I realized that *I* needed to be in control of my behavior. Not only for myself, but for the people who care about me as well. Because what I do impacts those around me.
I know he doesnt like to punish me so I try not to put him in that position very often if I can help it. I want/need to be a good girl for him, for myself, for my family, for my friends. I am not an island. My behavior effects more than just myself, and for the first time, I thought about the people around me. And I guess I realized that I didn't want to cause the people I care about stress or worry. I didnt have to anymore.
So yeah. Those are my thoughts on punishment.
Punishment spankings? What are they like? What role do they play in my spanking relationship?
Well, they are painful. Yeah, I would say they are painful. But that is sort of a given. What role? Funny you should ask that question.......
My first real punishment spanking was for an incident in my past. I know it sounds weird that I would be punished for something that happened before I even met Professor. But the experience was really about not only cleaning the slate of an incident from my past that had continued to haunt me, but also about the reassurance that I no longer was able "to get away with things"-reassurance that at the time, I desperately needed.
The incident in question?
Shooting a gun - a 22 to be exact - off a roof at a party while drunk when I was in college. Apparently I was a pretty good shot and managed to blow out an innocent windshield without killing myself or anyone else. In the original incident, my father showed up and he and his lawyer rescued me from the police (and the irate car owner) by promising to pay for all damages and that was that. My dad never said a word to me about the whole thing and I was free to go about my life.
I guess you could say that in some small way, Professor and I were attempting to rewrite history with my first punishment spanking. A sort of spanko therapy? Maybe. A bit of an ignored rebellious girl cliche that needed closure? Definitely.
Anyway, back to the experience.
Painful. The experience was frightening, painful (both physically and emotionally) and amazing. And I am so glad I experienced it. I know that sounds strange, but it is true.
You see, punishment is a gift. It may be an unwanted gift in the moment, but it is a gift. To be absolved of guilt is a truly wonderful thing. To be held accountable, punished, cared for, forgiven......is just priceless.
I heard the most amazing line in a song once, and I think it is the best explanation for what that punishment did for me......
It allowed me to hit a brick wall without being totalled. It is as simple as that. I was able to hit a wall.
I am not sure if that makes sense.....
Throughout my life I was allowed to do what I want, when I wanted.....and as a result, I tended to spin out of control, and often still do, although I am working on it ;). The combination of the pervasive "girl, ignored" theme and the behavioral spin outs not only made me very insecure, but it also created this..... type.....this person who would take a dare, any dare....the type of person who would do something stupid to be accepted.....actually, do *anything* to be accepted or noticed.
This is the cliche part I was talking about. The story of the ignored girl who will do anything to be noticed? You know, the one that ends inevitably with the "even bad attention is better than no attention" theme? Overdone, I know.....but yeah, that was me. Embarassing but true.
So being punished...being told/showed/reassured that there is someone, who is spanker, mentor, friend, confidant, father figure when needed...... who cares enough to say Stop! Enough is enough!......it was rather freeing and amazing, and it changed me.......
The brick wall?
I needed to hit a brick wall, *without* being totalled........I needed to hit that wall in the form of Professor and feel the "solidness" of it, feel the security of it....feel the security of *him*
So that is what that first punishment did for me.....it reassured me of that wall and its willingness to stand without breaking.
Being punished allowed for trust.
I have always trusted Professor, but not to the degree that we achieved as a result of that experience. He did the hard thing. He followed through, even though he didn't enjoy it....he kept his word......and he did it because he cared.
And for me....well, that was huge. HUGE.
It was a monumental turning point for me and for our relationship.
It was made undeniably clear to me, and I couldnt ignore it. His genuine caring. He really cared about me.
I knew he didn't want to punish me, he would much rather have a playful session, and yet he did it anyway. He did the hard thing. Not only because I needed it and he was giving me what I needed, but because he knew that I *deserved* it.
The experience left me with little doubt that he cares for his Naughty One and has a vested interest in the person that I/we want her to be. And that is just.....well, even now it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. In a good way :) Unconditional love? Yeah. I think that is what I felt for the first time.
And, as a result of his commitment, I had another big realization.....and I grew.
I realized that *I* needed to be in control of my behavior. Not only for myself, but for the people who care about me as well. Because what I do impacts those around me.
I know he doesnt like to punish me so I try not to put him in that position very often if I can help it. I want/need to be a good girl for him, for myself, for my family, for my friends. I am not an island. My behavior effects more than just myself, and for the first time, I thought about the people around me. And I guess I realized that I didn't want to cause the people I care about stress or worry. I didnt have to anymore.
So yeah. Those are my thoughts on punishment.