Constructing a Spanking Relationship: Setting the Stage

I was reading a poignant post on Pink Bottomed Girls' blog about their struggle to redefine their relationship to include Discipline spankings. I also read a post on A Creative Spanked Wife titled The Myth of the Perfect, Intuitive Spanker Man. Both of them made me realize that more often than not, when I post something about my relationship with Professor, it is only a "snapshot" of our dynamic. It is a description of one brief moment in time. It doesn't show the struggles or work that went in to creating the relationship, instead focusing on a just a glimpse.

I was inspired to go back and see how we built the framework that Pink and brat are in the process of building. It is good to go back and reflect every now and again. If only for stopping but for a brief moment, to see truly how far you've come.......

I don't know about other spanking relationships, but the actual construction of ours was anything but glamorous, and nothing like the fantasies I had created in my head.

For me, fantasy has always centered around the knee buckling, palm sweating, spankings. Products of a spanko with an overly fertile imagination, these fantasies were heavily ladened with button pushing detail, right down to the very long and stern dialogue that seemlessly flowed from the fantasy Spanker's mouth as he let the well worn leather belt dangle, doubled over in his hand. They were rich in detail and I always focused on the actual spanking scenes. The scenes, not the work it took to achieve those scenes.

I didn't realize that to bring those amazng fantasies to reality was no easy task.

The scenes I created in my head never focused on the important but mundane things like how trust was actually formed between my fantasy Spanker and I. They didnt touch on the development of the relationship between us, and what we had outside of the confines of the spanking scene.

We must have had some sort of relationship.....why would I let him spank me, and better yet, why would he care enough to spank me? My fantasies never involved the creation of the relationship....or the dynamic that enabled those stomach dropping, shivery spankings I fantasized about to occur.

All of the background things that made up the dynamic already existed...... almost as if they had been established right along with "time period" and "geographical location" in the lengthy Prologue read by an immaculately coifed woman standing just off center stage, behind a podium that had one of those tiny lights that illuminated her note cards.

My fantasies never had an explanation for the origin of the list of rules that I was, on various occasions, being whacked for. They never touched on the trial and error method that might have occured as behavior lines were discovered, unwittingly crossed, discussed, and drawn in order to come up with the list. The list was just there, as if placed in my fantasy by one of the many props people, on temporary loan from MGM, free of charge, to Naughty One's Spanko Fantasy Studio Productions.....

My fantasies never bothered with things like bruising, or the physics involved in an adult woman being placed over a man's knee (or the whole blood rushing to your head issue while otk), or the physiology of how to give a safe but sound spanking without causing permanent damage. I didn't need to worry about navigating across a room without falling with panties around my ankles, creating a sort of dry land mermaid effect. In my head, I walked without fear of falling, no matter where my panties were.

My fantasies didn't address the abilities or lack thereof, of potential Spankers: Do they how to spank a bottom safely? How to swing a cane properly? Or how to know when "enough is enough"?

And they certainly didn't address the vulnerable psyche of the spankee, or explain words like "headspace" or "aftercare" or "subdrop".

All of that stuff was unimportant. In fantasy, the Spanker is perfect. And he does everything perfectly so I never had to be concerned with the mundane.

I never doubted the honesty of my fantasy Spanker. I never doubted his caring for me, or my ability to please him, or whether I was able to make him proud. He loved me unconditionally, and that love did not have to grow over time, it didnt have to be tested by adversity, or life. It was just there......it always existed, steadfast and strong, just like him.

My fantasy Spanker knew in an instant when I was feeling insecure and he would reassure me appropriately. He knew when I needed to be pushed, when my limits needed to be tested, when I needed to be punished, and when "enough was enough". He knew the motivations for my behavior and would pull me over his strong knee knowing that I just needed to be spanked.....to feel his caring.....to be his little girl.

My fantasy Spanker was in my life for the long haul.....he was perfectly stern, perfectly authoritative, said all the right things, and knew exactly what types of spankings I needed and when. I never had a use for a safe word. He knew when I had enough and when to stop before I had too much.

He was perfectly in tune to my every want and need. Of course he was perfect. He could read my mind. Hell, he was in my mind and he had a well written script to work from and every spanking prop at his disposal, limited only by my own fertile imagination.

But the fantasy I created in my head wasn't real. Real is different. Real needs to be constructed from the bottom up. The script for real doesn't come prepacked, neatly wrapped, with stage hands, props people, dialogue coaches and a fancy spanko wardrobe thrown in for good measure.

There is no phantom producer, or casting agent. Everything must be created from scratch by the two principle players, the Spanker and the spankee....and the Spanker usually doesn't come with headshots or a resume, complete with the words "psychic" or "naughty spankee mind reader" listed under the heading of Talents/Skills.

I have found out that part of the construction of a real spanking relationship, or part of the construction of the "real life fantasy"- includes having to open up for the benefit of the non- psychic type Spankers out there. Fantasy Spankers can read minds. Real Spankers cannot. I still have to repeat that to myself lest I forget.

And opening up to a real person takes courage, and trust. It takes putting yourself out there, with the risk of scrutiny or judgement. With the risk of showing vulnerability. With the risk of getting your heart broken.

I have had to learn to open up..... open my head, open my heart and show myself, my deeper self in order to be understood....in order to show what I really needed.

The scenarios I created in my head were so much easier. I didnt have to struggle to find the words and I didn't have to wait, in tense silence to see if my fantasy Spanker would run screaming from the room after I disclosed some deep dark secret. He loved me unconditionally and I trusted him.

In real, trust for my Spanker had to be earned. And tested. And retested. And poked and prodded and scrutinized. And tested again. It was a very long and extremely exhausting process for both myself and Professor. It wasn't like the relationships in my head. Those were easy. And they didn't require any of the hard stuff. The painful, emotional stuff.

Part of the construction of real was also about having to actually create the scripts for the dynamic ....the spanking dynamic that I so sorely wanted. Background needed to be filled in, rules and compatibility of wants and needs had to be explored, the physical types of spankings that were going to occur within the relationship, limits, safewords......all of that stuff had to be discussed beforehand. None of it was a "known" quantity when just starting out.

And before I was even able to articulate my needs, I had to figure them out first. In the beginning I was pretty sure I wanted to be spanked (and that wasnt even a definite because I had never actually experienced a *real* spanking!), but beyond that.....things got a little fuzzy.

I didn't even know where to begin, what questions to ask myself, what the spanko terms were that I would use to convey my needs/wants. All of that had to be learned, discussed, and poured over until we had a working model of what I wanted. We had to spend an inordinate amount of time collecting the pieces to "The Naughty One" puzzle before we could even attempt to begin to put the puzzle together. And that puzzle is still not finished.

Then after coming up with at least the beginnings of a puzzle to adequately establish a working model of my needs, that model had to be complimentary to his working model of needs/desires. Complimentary needs would allow for a fulfilling spanking relationship. So it wasnt just the question of "what does Naughty One want in a spanking relationship"....it was also "are the needs/desires of Naughty One and Professor compatible?"

It was like this weird spanko dating game where the spankee was trying to choose a Spanker without knowing what she wanted or how to begin to describe what she wanted. In my head, my fantasy Spanker didnt have to have the patience of Job. Professor did. He had to. If he didn't, this never would have worked.

He had to ask the right questions, really listen to the answers given, probe when he thought he needed to probe, recognize and avoid potential emotional land mines, and all while trying to prove time and time again that he was what he said he was, that it was okay to want to be spanked, that he was in this for the long haul, that spanking is fulfilling, that he could be relied on...... to a girl who naturally didn't trust and who had an intense fear of abandonment. The same girl who was a novice spankee.

And the girl who had been taught time and time again that trusting was akin to allowing yourself to be stomped on? She had to learn to trust. She had to learn how to rely on Professor. She had to learn how to be vulnerable, how to be cared for. She had to learn how to show herself....her true self....in order to be loved unconditionally...and she fought it kicking and screaming all the way.

She also had to learn how to obey. She knew deep down that she craved structure and rules and authority, so she needed to learn to obey. And in some situations, obey without question. She had to learn how to quell her natural rebellious tendencies, how to accept authority, how to do things required of her that she found hard armed only with the knowledge that Professor demanded it, and that had to be enough of a reason for her. She had to learn how to reconcile her feminist ideals with this deep seated need to submit to authority. And she has
struggled. And the struggle continues to this day.

She had to do these things because she had asked for a Discipline relationship. She had asked him to be her Disciplinarian. This was her choice. Her need. It was the stage that she desired for their entire production and the title went up in lights:

"Professor and Naughty One on Broadway: The Study of A Spanking Disciplinarian and his Reluctant Naughtyopath".

Now she just had to accept the scripts, the props, and everything else that went along with the play.

Yeah. The patience of Job.

And there is no real end to the construction of our dynamic. The framework has been built, the foundation is there, but the dynamic is constantly being tweaked and adjusted, like the fluid changing thing that it is, should be.

The framework for our spanking dynamic was built with a lot of patience, and honesty, and humility, and trust, and talking, and sharing, and courage, and willingness, and all that "breaking bricks with your forehead" type of work that promises to "make you stronger if it doesn't kill you first", that is required to build anything that is *really* worth having. And did I mention lots and lots of talking?
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Hi Professor,

Well, okay, here it goes......I haven't talked with you in what? over a year? I don't even know if you will respond to this, but I will give it a shot anyway.

I ran away from you a year ago because I was scared. I guess the idea of giving control to someone, getting spanked....was a bit much for me to handle. We clicked so well and so fast that I panicked. A discipline relationship? It sounded so good in fantasy but as we got closer to making that fantasy into reality, I got scared. I also doubted whether you really cared for me..... I doubted whether you wanted the responsibility of being my mentor.

Deep down I knew that I needed you but I couldn't bring myself to follow through (how many times have I said that during my life?)....I couldn't or wouldn't take the risk. So I ran away and tried to shut it off. I tried to ignore the spanking need and I tried to ignore that I needed you.

Over the last year I have just realized that my relationship with you was important to me and I have missed it.
Inside, I have always known I craved/needed a Disciplinarian and spanking partner, but now I know just how much I actually need it. And how much I need to try this thing called spanking. And that if I am going to try these things, I have to stop being afraid.

I don't even know if you will answer this. I am sure that you have given up on me....But I just wanted you to hear that I know what it is that I need and I have finally accepted that part of me.

Naughty One

Hello My Long-Lost Naughtyopath,

It is great to hear from you. I understand your being scared and running. I don't approve of it, but I understand. You should have told me your feelings and asked me about your doubts back then, Naughty One. I would have told you my intentions. Whether or not you believed me, you should have at least asked.

Making an excuse and running was the easiest way (a path not unfamilar to you, Naughty One). As usual, the easiest way was not the best way for you, nor was it fair to me. I am not mad - I understand, but you should be aware that the way you handled it was bad (this is the Mentor in me hoping you learn something :) ).

Your message was a very thoughtful detailing of what happened - which I really appreciate. Thanks. But I am not sure what else your message was - asking me whether I was/am sincere? Asking if I want to try again? My suspicion is that My Clever (Naughty) One was being intentionally vague about that. I thought you had learned earlier not to be coy with me, Young Lady...

I'll answer some of that on speculation. I was sincere in our mentor relationship. Yes, the spanking part is always exciting for me. I truly love administering a ritualistic, hard, bare-bottom punishment spanking to a girl who deserves it and at some level, wants it. Yes, I have had partners that I saw for spanking-see-ya-next-time only with no real mentoring. I liked being your mentor and trying to help you learn to do the right thing. I genuinely liked you and cared in the funny way that caring in something like we did happens. Yes, there was some"game" aspects to it, but that is part of it. I want this to be exciting and fun. There are a ton of subtleties in this and the "game vs. real" thing is one of them. It can be real *and* fantasy.

Would I like to continue? Probably, depending on what you want/need. It sounds like you have a bit better idea now and I'd be interested in hearing (in a straightforward non-coy way) what that is.

It really is great to hear from you, Naughty One -write again.
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What is it that I want? I want to explore spanking with a long term spanking partner who cares for me. I want it all. I want to experience everything about spanking. I want to play and I want to have a Mentor who will help me grow as a person and who will hold me accountable when I do something wrong. That's what I want, and I have realized that is what I had at one time....... and then I ran away. I was one of the lucky ones. Somehow I had stumbled upon a Spanker who was a good guy, who wanted to explore spanking with me and who wanted to be my Mentor as well.

I have missed you, Professor. I missed the security of you watching out for me. I missed our emails, our phone calls, our Instant Messaging. I missed knowing that someone was willing to call me on my coyness, my irresponsible behavior etc. I felt more grounded with you, more secure. And I do want to continue. I want to meet you when I am ready. I hope you will want to continue too. I can't tell you how happy I was to see that you didn't give up on me or write me off. I would understand if you didn't want to continue after what I did. But I am hoping you will.........

Naughty One, your "what I want" answers were very good both in terms of clarity and in making me happy (I missed you too). So consider yourself having a Mentor.

Just to establish some ground rules:

- I expect you to be open and honest with me at all times. If you hide things, or lie, this won't work. It can be amazingly cathartic not to have to be calculating and edit or watch what you say to someone- simply be open and honest with me at all times.

- I expect you to see me in person so that your bottom can be soundly spanked as needed. The once a month or so that you mentioned sounds reasonable. I understand you needing to be ready before it happens the first time, but I will expect you to summon the courage and see me for real spankings. I hope that this is soon. This is not some online cyber play Naughty One - you can expect to stand before me in person and be treated just like the naughty girl you act like in real life. You can also expect to leave with a very sore bottom, Young Lady.

- I agree that *you* make the final choice of whether you get a "punishment" spanking. I really like this suggestion that you made.

- I will do my best to be your Mentor, but you must understand at times I may not be able to respond right away. We are both fitting this into and around our "real" lives. You need to learn to trust that I care and that I will do my best.

- If this doesn't work for either of us for any reason, we call it off no strings attached. I think with all that we exchanged before, that this arrangement is very likely to work well, but things happen...

End of ground rules for now. I am not mandating them - so let's discuss any that concern you.
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Professor, what is the difference between a punishment spanking and a roleplay/fantasy spanking? How do we or maybe I should say, how do you define them in our relationship? Also, how does punishment spanking work?

First, it is "we" that decide things like this. It is"me" making decisions in the scene, but it is "we"when discussing what "we" want. I very much like your suggestion that you need to agree to a punishment spanking. In fact, I want you to *ask* for them. . This is not to say that I won't tell you that I think you deserve one - I am saying that I expect you to ask for a punishment spanking when you think you deserve it, without my prompting, too.

On both the role play and punishment spankings: Be aware that it often takes "practice" to get them to be ideal. Good communication out of scene and a good connection, which I think we have, is important to getting there.
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Can I request to be otk for punishment spankings? The idea of being isolated during such an emotional trial seems almost cruel and knowing you are close for those punishments makes me feel better about it I think.

I am afraid that I am leaning toward denying your request. Depending on the severity of the punishment, you may deserve isolation during part of your punishment. It is punishment, Naughty One. Many punishments, like a good whipping, are best administered in positions other than otk. It will be a more effective punishment if you fear it, even if the isolation is part of what you fear.

However, I *will*promise you to *finish* all punishments otk, when it gets the most emotional. For instance, something like starting with a good belt whipping with your bottom presented in a suitable (isolated) position to get what you deserve, then after your whipping taking you otk to hold you close and really spank you with my hand while the emotions set in. Let me know your feelings about this.
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What do you mean when I deserve it? How will you know/I know that I deserve it? What behavior results in a punishment spanking? I need some guidelines up front Professor, otherwise, I will have a hard time asking for it. They don't need to be real specific if you don't want them to be. Just some general rules for your Naughtyopath. Naughtyopaths (whether they want to admit it or not)do crave boundaries.

It is not that easy My Naughtyopath. You requested some power (agreeing that you deserve punishments) -with power comes responsibility. The punishment spankings are *real*. In reality you are an intelligent, mature, woman - one that knows right from wrong. *You* are the best one to set your boundaries, not me. I don't know you all that well, and will never see you day-to-day, so I can only be so effective at setting the boundaries. This is why it is important that you ask to be punished too. However, even though ultimately you are the best person to set your boundaries, I will give some general guidelines to start us off:

- You will receive a punishment spanking if you do stupid things that threaten your life or your ability to be a good wife and mother. If you endanger yourself in a stupid way, you will face the consequences.

- You will receive a punishment spanking if you lie to me. Not lying to me is that important in making this work, and making this work is important. If you lie to me, you will face the consequences.

- You will receive a punishment spanking if you deliberately disobey me when I tell you to do something. You need to trust me that much to do what I tell you. As you can see from your experience with me so far, I won't dictate arbitrarily; I will usually discuss things with you -but if I do dictate that you do something, I expect you to do it or face the consequences.

- You will receive a punishment spanking if you let yourself down. If you set goals in your life and you simply don't address them for bad reasons, such as laziness or "not wanting to", then you will face the consequences.

As I said, this is not a complete set of boundaries -*you* must help set those Naughty One, but this is a start. If any of these are not clear, then you are to ask me about them now. Got it?

You have a lot to respond to in my recent messages, so do that. Also, I will be expecting you to start to tell me about your goals (see one of the punishment boundaries above) and about your RL. Are you still in school? What are your goals there? What are your goals with your family?

This mentoring thing isn't just about punishing you when you screw up, it is also about keeping you positive to make you and those around you happy. If we can do that, then you and I can simply meet to play imaginative/fun/exciting spanking games which can be amazing too.
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Naughty One, attached is a powerful story of a girl that had a roleplay spanking for a past RL offense. It was also a punishment spanking, as you will see. Let me know what you think.

What did I think about the story? It took my breath away. Literally. I found it amazing and frightening. It raised a few questions. How could I trust someone to be able to do that to me? How could I trust myself to follow through?

I doubt that you could submit to an intense punishment spanking the very first time like she did - nor should you. In my opinion, she got very lucky it worked out well for her - it could have been a disaster and I don't think we should start out that way . Your needs seem to be very different from hers.

Do *you* know what I need Professor? Sometimes I don't even know what I need in this relationship we have started.

No, Little One, I don't *know*. And I know that you don't know either. Finding out what you need will be a journey. You need a caring, experienced tour guide and a lot of courage and determination, but the destination is worth the trip. The journey itself can be fun too.

No safe word? She met that guy for the first time and did a scene with him with no safe word? Aren't you always supposed to use a safe word, especially in the beginning? It worked out for her though, not to use one. Is that common?

What you read was a story, Little One. The writing sounded sincere, but we don't know. We also don't know how much was "enhanced". Despite the "no-safeword' working for her in the story, most people who are experienced and good at this insist on using a safe word. I hope that you and I have a spanking/mentor relationship that lasts, Naughty One. I see too much potential amazing stuff here for us to risk it by not using one.

When she begged him to stop and instead he went and got a paddle and told her to bend over, how did he know this was the right thing to do in this situation? How did he know that she wouldn't look at him and say "fuck you" and walk out? She didn't, but she could have.

My guess is that he didn't know. He made an intelligent guess at what she needed based on his experiences, and his confidence in his abilities - and he took the risk. My guess is that he has had a few "fuck you's" with other women that he treated similarly. As I said before, I have not "won them all" either..

What about me though? How would you determine in a situation like that whether I was just a little scared and wanted to back out but you know it's better for me to continue OR that I was really uncomfortable and it shouldn't happen at the moment? I am torn because the story tapped into one of those "ultimate fantasy" things for me, and yet I am scared as well.

If it were you and I, I would rely on my experience, read your signs, be confident in my abilities, remember that I have a safety net in the form of a safe word, and then accept that there is some risk.

If I felt that you needed harder discipline than you were outwardly accepting, you would "get it" despite your protests, Naughty One. Let me point out that although some fear is an integral part of the punishment scene, too much fear takes away your freedom so it is a fine balance.

The good news is that you and I write these long thoughtful messages and will meet and "play" many times before attempting anything this intense - so our chances of success are far greater than those of the girl in the story. Again, she got very lucky. Again, I don't think we should take that risk. Things worth having are worth waiting for and working for. Your ultimate fantasy is worth having, Naughty One. We don't have to rush to it.

There are a few things that I am afraid of about our first meeting: Will I comply, knowing it is a game? Will I resist/laugh or whatever because I am nervous? How will I know what to do? I have never done this before, Professor! How will I know what to do?

First, even if we start with a role play first meeting, most of your "role" will be reacting to me. I will almost always lead our scenes, Naughty One. So, you don't have a lot of deciding what to do, as you wondered about. We will set the scenario and boundaries ahead of time, and you will have safewords, but otherwise you won't have a lot of decisions to make in the scene. I will have control. Second, I am fairly sure that you won't laugh. Despite you feeling comfortable with me and your natural tendency to silliness, I am pretty sure you won't laugh - even in a first scene that is a role play. I am all business in a scene Naughty One. You will feel that.

It has always been a fantasy of mine to feel a whipping from a belt. The whole rolling of the sleeves, the ominous look, the stern lecture, the belt being pulled through the loops, the sound of the leather on fabric.....it is a huge turn on for me. After reading this story though, I am scared to death of a belt!

Again we have a great match in desires; you described a favorite scene of mine to a tee. The belt is right behind my hand as my favorite for teaching a naughty girl a lesson and I do have a well worn leather belt for just that reason ;)

As far as the story scaring you from the belt - getting a good bare-bottom belt whipping *should* scare you Naughty One, but not "to death" - making it good but not too much is part of me giving you what you need.
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Get me organized? To do lists? Yahoo Calendars? That sounds like it sucks, Professor. In all seriousness, it does add to the whole "mentor watching over/keeping control of his Naughty One" turn on for me, so I will agree, albeit reluctantly. We can talk about all of this in detail over the phone. You may actually be able to hear me whine over "the unfairness of it all", something that I can't do as effectively via email.

I am prepared for your whining on the phone. However you should be warned that I will have very little tolerance for it. You must behave like a mature, responsible, young woman with me, Little One. That includes tomorrow's call.

As far as "unfair" - I guarantee that everything you endure with me will be fair (and remember, *I* determine fair), although you may not like it. I will devise a plan for you to get organized under my strict, watchful eye - and it will be "fair", Young Lady.
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I owe you an apology. I am so sorry. I know that you demand strict obedience from me as well as respect. I also know that it is what I need and want. However, at times, I say stupid things without thinking, especially when you demand things from me that I consider hard. It is hard for me, Professor. And I know this isn't an excuse, but I wanted to explain myself.

I always test even the most strict authority figures. "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir" are extremely difficult for me. I want to do it because is pleases you, but it is terribly hard for me. That the "Sir" thing is just so hard. I respect your authority, yet my natural inclination is to rebel against it. To question it. What is wrong with me? I know what I want, I know what I need, and yet I still question and rebel. I don't know why, but that's my nature and I don't know what to do about it....what we can do about it.

I am so sorry about today. I hated ended our conversation like that.

Yes, it is unfortunate that we had to end our call with you feeling troubled. Instead of me reciting it on the phone, it would have been better if I could have looked you sternly in the eye and told you how to behave with me, and then spanked your bottom for your behavior.

I am well aware of your tendancy to defy authority. If you show this with me, you will be punished - in addition to whatever spankings we have planned. Remember the slap in the story that I sent you...?

Furthermore, if your defiance ever continues, I will take my belt to your bottom for a good whipping. I will have you showing me both your respect and your obedience. I trust that this is clear, Young Lady.

That includes calling me "Sir" when appropriate. It also includes stifling your "Ugh" reactions - which are completely inappropriate with me. You need to show me complete trust that what I order you to do is for your own good - "ugh" does not show that. Got it?

Do not feel bad any more, Naughty One. I am glad that you felt remorse today - it is a good sign. You will get a sound spanking when I see you, and a lesson in respect, and then will be forgiven. So, it is not necessary to feel bad anymore now.
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Professor, during our phone conversation today, we touched on me moonlighting. It is important to me to know that you do not want me to moonlight and I think this goes back to my whole ownership trigger. I only want one Disciplinarian.

I know there are girls who love spanking for just spanking and enjoy having multiple spanking partners for play, I am not into the whole casual spanking scene. I really can't see myself running around getting spanked by every spankophile out there. And to be honest, I hope you wouldn't want me to either......it is part of the whole control thing for me......I just want to be *your* Naughty One. Please let me know your thoughts.

I am very happy that you don't want to moonlight and that you want to be *my* Naughty One. I very much want it that way too. As with just about everything we do,you have managed to make it even better, Little One.To me, the ultimate is that you want to be mine alone*without* a mandate from me.

It may be within my power to mandate it, and I do very much want it that way,but you notice that I did not mandate it on the phone today. It is even better that I feel you want it without my mandate. I prefer to feel real, earned, control of you, not forced or contrived control, or even control from fear.

However, that being said, if you ever did "run around getting spanked by every spankophile out there", as you so eloquently phrased it, you *would* have something real to fear from me, Naughty One. Is that clear?
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Professor, I am having a hard time knowing what I can say and can't say to you. I know you demand obedience and you want me to obey without things like "ugh" or "not fair", so should I just endure the frustration I feel about the assignment stoically, or can I talk to you about it?

First, drawing lines as to what is acceptable and what is not is part of the process that you will go through with me Naughty One. I draw the lines, you learn where the lines are. I cannot possibly draw all lines in advance, so at times you either need to ask me, or you need to (accidentally) cross the lines and face the consequences.

For instance, I did not draw the"ugh" line in advance, you crossed it, and your bottom will be spanked for it, and now you know where that line is. I like (a lot) how you don't hold back with me - so don't be overly concerned. Ask me about lines when you have questions. If you cross one, I will tell you, and you will get spanked, but that is part of this.

If you are feeling frustrated about the assignment, you should talk to me about it respectfully. Talking with me is good and I encourage it. However, some things I tell you, you simply will not like. You may have to do some stoic enduring Naughty One, which BTW, is good practice for getting spanked since you will be expected to do some stoic enduring while I redden your pretty bottom ;)
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I guess I am worried. You seem so attentive now and I feel myself letting you in. It sounds silly but I guess am afraid that you are only doing it because we are getting close to our first meeting and you want to make sure that I will show up. What about after the spanking? Will things change? Will you still be as much of a mentor as you are now?

You know the answer to this, Little One, but I'll say it anyway. I am in this because I want you to be my spanking partner and mentee for as long as it seems right and I expect that to be a long time. Believe me, it is *a lot* more exciting, satisfying and safe to have just one person to share this with. There are so many nuances that require experience and knowing your partner in something like we are doing. I am thrilled to have you, so relax and enjoy what we have found together - do not worry about it. OK?
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I just logged off and I am going to go to bed like you told me to after I send this email. I hate it when you are disappointed with me and I have to go to bed and sleep on it. You said you weren't angry but you sounded angry to me. I wanted to talk a while longer so that I could feel less uneasy, but you wouldn't let me so instead I am going to be uneasy until I receive your next email(or phone call). I hate that too.

First, I am not angry at you. I do not play guessing games - if I was angry, I would tell you. I was well aware that you wanted to talk more last night when I sent you to bed. However, you were a bad girl. You were impulsive, disrespectful, and immature. You need to realize that when you misbehave, you will be punished before I comfort you and sending you to bed to think about how you behaved was your punishment. I would have rather pulled you over my knee and spanked you good and hard while you cried out the remorse, and then sent you to bed forgiven, but that was not possible.

This was a lesson, Naughty One. You may not like the spankings that you are in for either. I know that you will love the anticipation, the excitement of the scene, obeying me, playing with me, and you will love me comforting you when it is over. However, when I am spanking/whipping/paddling your naughty little bottom,you will be an unhappy little girl. That is part of this, also.
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What are we Professor? Or maybe I should really be asking, what am I? I asked about the terms because I am trying to come to grips with what I am. Am I a spanko? a bottom? a sub? (- I don't even know if I like the term). Are you my Dom? My friend? My Spanking Partner? My Top? It seems everyone around me knows what they are in this kink except me. When people ask, I don't have an adequate answer for them because I am not sure what we are....or what I am.

I have an answer for you to provide to your friends when they ask what you are: "I am his". Simple. You can elaborate to those who ask as much as you want about it being non-sexual, you obeying me and learning from me for your own good and for my pleasure, our shared spanking passion, etc. But for *your* own understanding Little One, the answer to yourself is "I am his" and you will trust me.
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What is wrong with me? I seem to just keep getting in trouble. I either say something and cross a line or I don't say what I am supposed to say.....Why do I keep screwing up? I am so sorry for disappointing you.

It is called "learning", Little One. It is also called earning punishment (part of what we do). Don't you see that you please me by *needing* to be taught?

About disappointing me: You have never disappointed me once since we met, Naughty One. That includes bailing on me two years ago, it includes not remembering my safety mandate last week, and everything else over which you worry about disappointing me. In all of those cases you were being genuine. Had you not been genuine, *you* would have disappointed me, but that is not the case. Was I disappointed by some of the *things*? Yes. Was I disappointed by *you*? No. Get it?
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I think for our first meeting you should be sure to take your cell with you because I could end up calling you from the parking lot of the hotel, petrified, and you may have to talk me in. Otherwise, I could just end up sitting in the parking lot trying to work up the courage to finally meet you. Remember Professor, this is my first time and you are an old pro. Please try to remember back to your first time and how nervous you were........

I know that you will manage the courage to see me when we meet, Naughty One. I promise you now, and will do so as often as necessary, that this will be good for you. You will be very glad that you did it. I promise.

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Naughty One, Thanks for coming down today - I trust that you are glad you didn't back out. Talking today was important for you, and for us. I am glad we did it. Part of "what I get out of it" is fulfilling a need in my partner, and you *needed* to talk this out today; so I did not mind in the least. I think you, and "us" will be healthier and things will be even better for us. However, since you used up all the talk this time, next time will just be a good old fashioned beating... ;)
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I think I was more disappointed in myself, for the screw up, and then even more so, for acting like a scared kid and running away. I didn't act like a mature, responsible adult who made a mistake and then tried to fix it. I ran away. That is the part I feel bad about. And still feel bad.

Just like I said there are bumps in the road to relationships, there are bumps in the road to maturity, My Naughtyopath. That was a hard situation you were in when you slipped up, I am not disappointed in you for acting as you did - it was wrong, but it was bump in your so-far good road to maturity, not a roadblock.