The Gift
Poiesia wrote: "Spankings that are meant as punishment reduce -- not diminish -- me. It outlines boundaries, coloring the edges so that I know what things to consciously care about, otherwise I'd overwhelm and drown myself in too many details. I'd be endlessly carrying random guilt with me for things that are, well, stupid and destructive to myself, because I've been conditioned by other earlier influences that have long robbed and raped the integrity of my own right to claim boundaries...."
When I first read this, I took pause in the fact that it spoke to my discipline core. As a spanko who enjoys a good hard spanking in play, it is difficult to reconcile, explain, and/or adequately describe how spanking can be both play and punishment...and how a punishment spanking can be both feared and craved...both a deterrent and a need.
I often refer to punishment as a gift, and pain is only an aspect of that gift. The gift of pain? I sound like a whacko, I know. Punishment spankings are meant to hurt...and oh they do! But as poiesia so eloquently points out, there is more to punishment than the pain. Much more. For those of us with whom a discipline dynamic relationship resounds, the magic of punishment is a well known secret.
Punishment spankings are meant to make me feel real fear... cry real tears... and feel real remorse. Yes, punishment spankings hurt. They hurt alot. But, it is not just about enduring pain. There are feelings, emotions, a sense of well being and trust that will/can only be achieved from being punished.
Nothing else....no other hard spanking, convincing role play, etc. results in the lightness of spirit associated with the endurance of a deserved punishment spanking. A slate wiped clean. A spirit righted. *That* is the gift. The gift of atonement... forgiveness. Once experienced, it may well be a windmill you chase your entire kinkster journey. It has been for me.
What do those words really mean? What do those common spanko discipline-type euphemisms mean...symbolize... for me personally?
Guilt. Confession. Punishment. Cleansing. Absolution. Forgiveness. Punished to be forgiven. Release from the bonds of guilt.
Punishment is a deterrent. A deterrent from "straying off the proper path", so to speak. It is also a motivator to do good.
It is a message. A message that Professor is not only watching but guiding as well. Punishment is a reminder of his role in my life....his watchfulness...his emotional stake....and the ever present expectation of obedience.
It is meant to be humbling. It motivates by being a consequence -- a reminder to both my adult and child self that although I have choices, although I ultimately decide how I behave... by exercising a decision that goes against what I know is right, what I know is expected, I must be prepared for the inevitable less-than-happy consequences. Professor maintains consistent and firm control over my behavior, free will or not.
Punishment acknowledges my intelligence, and my willful display of defiance. It symbolizes consistency. Consequences. Solid walls and boundaries. Catharsis.
Punishment is all those things, but most importantly, for me, punishment's gift is the chance to let go of guilt.
A chance to cut ties to past guilt by actively doing what I know is right, now. A chance to acknowledge wrongdoing... to take responsibility... to atone for both past and present mistakes. Punishment prevents excessive guilt from holding me back.
Guilt.
I use to spend a lot of time in my own head... my mind trapped in a vicious self depreciating cycle, going over and over my bad behavior, the choices I made and the results, while also experiencing an enormous feeling... of yuck... a mix of nausea and a palpable sense of significant regret. And yet, I seemed powerless to stop the behavior that made me feel so bad, so I was angry, guilt ridden, and stupid because I had lost the ability to learn from my mistakes.
Guilt.
Guilt leads to anger. Self loathing. Lack of control. Faulty decision making.
Guilt sucks.
And now? How am I now?
Can I go back in time and change how I used to be? No.
Can I redo the things I regret? No.
But I can let them go. I can let them go by focusing on a more responsible and disciplined future. Being held accountable... given the chance to show remorse...to atone for present mistakes and present bad behavior, has allowed me to let things go. To heal. To move on. And I am doing just that.
Punishment. Acknowledgement of errors and forgiveness. The payment of a debt incurred in wrongdoing. It allows for the expression of remorse, and a cleansing to allow for new growth and better future decisions.
It is a gift.
Remember, how bad you have been in the past is not nearly as important as how good you are going to be in the future.......
When I first read this, I took pause in the fact that it spoke to my discipline core. As a spanko who enjoys a good hard spanking in play, it is difficult to reconcile, explain, and/or adequately describe how spanking can be both play and punishment...and how a punishment spanking can be both feared and craved...both a deterrent and a need.
I often refer to punishment as a gift, and pain is only an aspect of that gift. The gift of pain? I sound like a whacko, I know. Punishment spankings are meant to hurt...and oh they do! But as poiesia so eloquently points out, there is more to punishment than the pain. Much more. For those of us with whom a discipline dynamic relationship resounds, the magic of punishment is a well known secret.
Punishment spankings are meant to make me feel real fear... cry real tears... and feel real remorse. Yes, punishment spankings hurt. They hurt alot. But, it is not just about enduring pain. There are feelings, emotions, a sense of well being and trust that will/can only be achieved from being punished.
Nothing else....no other hard spanking, convincing role play, etc. results in the lightness of spirit associated with the endurance of a deserved punishment spanking. A slate wiped clean. A spirit righted. *That* is the gift. The gift of atonement... forgiveness. Once experienced, it may well be a windmill you chase your entire kinkster journey. It has been for me.
What do those words really mean? What do those common spanko discipline-type euphemisms mean...symbolize... for me personally?
Guilt. Confession. Punishment. Cleansing. Absolution. Forgiveness. Punished to be forgiven. Release from the bonds of guilt.
Punishment is a deterrent. A deterrent from "straying off the proper path", so to speak. It is also a motivator to do good.
It is a message. A message that Professor is not only watching but guiding as well. Punishment is a reminder of his role in my life....his watchfulness...his emotional stake....and the ever present expectation of obedience.
It is meant to be humbling. It motivates by being a consequence -- a reminder to both my adult and child self that although I have choices, although I ultimately decide how I behave... by exercising a decision that goes against what I know is right, what I know is expected, I must be prepared for the inevitable less-than-happy consequences. Professor maintains consistent and firm control over my behavior, free will or not.
Punishment acknowledges my intelligence, and my willful display of defiance. It symbolizes consistency. Consequences. Solid walls and boundaries. Catharsis.
Punishment is all those things, but most importantly, for me, punishment's gift is the chance to let go of guilt.
A chance to cut ties to past guilt by actively doing what I know is right, now. A chance to acknowledge wrongdoing... to take responsibility... to atone for both past and present mistakes. Punishment prevents excessive guilt from holding me back.
Guilt.
I use to spend a lot of time in my own head... my mind trapped in a vicious self depreciating cycle, going over and over my bad behavior, the choices I made and the results, while also experiencing an enormous feeling... of yuck... a mix of nausea and a palpable sense of significant regret. And yet, I seemed powerless to stop the behavior that made me feel so bad, so I was angry, guilt ridden, and stupid because I had lost the ability to learn from my mistakes.
Guilt.
Guilt leads to anger. Self loathing. Lack of control. Faulty decision making.
Guilt sucks.
And now? How am I now?
Can I go back in time and change how I used to be? No.
Can I redo the things I regret? No.
But I can let them go. I can let them go by focusing on a more responsible and disciplined future. Being held accountable... given the chance to show remorse...to atone for present mistakes and present bad behavior, has allowed me to let things go. To heal. To move on. And I am doing just that.
Punishment. Acknowledgement of errors and forgiveness. The payment of a debt incurred in wrongdoing. It allows for the expression of remorse, and a cleansing to allow for new growth and better future decisions.
It is a gift.
Remember, how bad you have been in the past is not nearly as important as how good you are going to be in the future.......