Watchful Attention

I have missed you lately... I have missed you for a while.

Lately life has had a way of keeping us apart. Not physically though... oh, we've had spanking sessions, talked on the phone, exchanged emails, but life for him has been hard... hectic... and draining for the last couple months.

I have been there for him as friend, spankee, confidant, and stress reliever... but not as his Naughty One. I tried very hard to be good... low maintenance... a calming voice... his voice of reason and was all of these things, successfully.

Life shook his very being... kicked him in the stomach hard, leaving him doubled over, stunned... and I was there to bear witness; The blow, the struggle to catch his breath... the uncertainty... the eventual emotional and physical fatigue... the slow regaining of strength.

And I have been patient. Waiting.

"Waiting for what?" he asked. He didn't understand and I couldn't explain. Up till now, I wasn't sure exactly what I was waiting for. But I'd know it when I saw it, and then... well then I could finally leave the holding pattern I have maintained since life sucker punched him not long ago.

And now... this week... I know what I have been waiting for. I saw it. I felt it. I heard it in his tone on the phone... caught glimpses of it in his recent emails. For the first time in months... for the first time since he was kicked... he is breathing again... normally.

No more half hearted, going through the motions, getting through the day stuff . He is back among the living... himself. The holding pattern is over, and I can be his Naughty One again.

Please...I need to be.

"Maybe it is because I miss you but I am in need of your "stifling, you are being closely watched" type of discipline."

I have been in a holding pattern for a while.

I feel too comfortable... too able to test... too able to push.

I have missed him.

The way he can twist my psyche into knots. His high expectations. His mandates. The way he can make me feel claustrophobic with his presence... even from a distance. His behavioral training. His confidence in the mental chokehold he has over me when he so chooses. His vigilance.

Please...don't let me walk so close to the line. Push me back from it... hard... just because you can... because I am yours. Your Naughty One. And it pleases you.

I crave his watchful attention... his Authority.

Please... Sir.